Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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