Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Four minutes until I can fart!
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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