Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
