You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
