I'm gonna have a badass scar
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
