Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
