You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My dick has a subreddit
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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