i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
And then he peed in my hair
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