If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
