Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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