Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
