anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize