She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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