Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
