I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
