The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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