i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
