Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
