There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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