It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
