Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
