i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
