It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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