just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
