omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just threw up on my dentist
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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