what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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