theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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