so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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