I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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