i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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