He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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