R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
