His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
