He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize