some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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