living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
