i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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