This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize