when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
