I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
