i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
