Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
