imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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