Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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