I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
