Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
