She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
