How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
