On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
