he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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