Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
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