What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Can I color on your dick again?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
