He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
