im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
