I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
