Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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