Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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