One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
