she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
