dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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