I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
