Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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