yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Randomize
