When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You smell like stripper and shame
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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