a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
