i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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