I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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