Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
