I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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