i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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