Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
