he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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