Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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