im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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