Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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