So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
